And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
