I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
