I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
