I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
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