ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Randomize
