Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
