Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
You're like the curious george of whores
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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