were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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