Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
