UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
