You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Randomize
