youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
