You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
