im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
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