Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Randomize
