No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
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