You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
She's the barista slut.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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