just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
