Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
