I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
