everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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