So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
