South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
