Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
