your parents love me but you hate me
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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