I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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