We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
