For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I need to wash the frat house off of me
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
