her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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