I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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