Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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