We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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