Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
