nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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