He disabled his match.com account in front of me
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Randomize