Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
