She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
