I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
