There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Randomize
