I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
