he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
