When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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