you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
