I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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