ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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