Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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