my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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