I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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