i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
