After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
