that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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