I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
i think i have two assholes
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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