Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
so much tequila, so little girl.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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