I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
its not stalking. its research.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
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