Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Randomize
