I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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