Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize