I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
