I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize