You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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