Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
