wakey wakey hands off snakey
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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