Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
