when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
