This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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